I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
