i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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