So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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