Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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