You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
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So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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