I didn't shave. On purpose
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
