I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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