what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
