I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
