ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
