i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
