toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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