There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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