$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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