when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
