Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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