I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im holly from the hills drunk
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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