She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
