happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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