I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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