I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
