Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
how drunk are you?
Several
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize