Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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