ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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