I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
