Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
