5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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