he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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