It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
