I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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