you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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