hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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