smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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