ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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