Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
