so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
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I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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