I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
