the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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