Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
