Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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