when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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