Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
