When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize