I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
