is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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