How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
