I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
