Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You made out with two different species that night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
