I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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