Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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