"it" just moved
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
