If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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