She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize