She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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