i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
