Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
