We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He passed out mid-signature
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
