I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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