im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
