I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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