Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
