When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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