Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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