i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
