I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
