I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
