Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
