i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i already hear my dad disowning me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
