Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
did you just send me my own nude
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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