Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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