I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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