First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
be right there i have to get my cape
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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